Monday, November 30, 2009
Went to watch 2012 with fei on saturday. Well the superstitious bullshit part was lesser than I was expecting, so...yea it was an ok movie.
[SPOILER]But to me, it basically is a summary of a divorced, failed writter who mocks Death for about 10 times before finally making Death pissed off and killed his ex-wife's current husband, thus uniting the writter with his family and lives happily ever after at somewhere in Africa.
Mock no. 1) Stands in a collapsing house, with big chunks of wood falling down, he left the house unscratched.
2) He drives his car at at least more than 70km/h, dodging cars and trees on the road while the earth itself is splitting apart and skyscrapers and bridges crashing down.
3) Finds out the pilot for a small plane that he just bought has died and just pushes the other guy ,who only went for a few basic flying courses, to drive that thing. Then the land disintegrates behind the plane while the plane is running on the run-way to gain speed.
4) An enormous volcano eruption caused rocks to drop from the sky like meteor, like...you know those high level nuker mage in RPG games casting their aoe spells. Then that fail writter drives a van and just dodges every freaking meteor strike. Its like WWII, except that you are driving a van, not a tank.5) He's back on that small plane, same thing happens. Everything else is destroyed to utter chaos EXCEPT the run-way. Then, during take-off the ground starts to breakdown again RIGHT BEHIND the plane. Again.
6) Spots his random friend at the airport, thus doesn't have to wait for the flight (or in this case, dying), for his friend has a BIG plane. "Of course, it's made in Russia! >=)" says the Russian dood.
7) Emergency landing on a frozen valley. Unscathed again of course.
8) Found some guy to lead them through a secret path to the imba submarine/ship thing built to save a few thousand rich-asses from Armageddon.
9) Got stuck somewhere half-way through the secret passage. Well for him, its just "getting stuck for a brief moment" of course, for his ex's husband, it means "OH SHIT I GOT CRUSHED TO DEATH".
10) Went back to the same place he "got stuck" with again (which is now filled with water) to fix some problem. If almost dying 9 times didn't seem enough for the writter, some random guy in the movie shouted "omg! It's a one-way trip! He wouldnt have enough time to come back up!" Yea right, if he died there, then how would the 9 times of Death-mocking had counted? Of course he lives --- there's a few centimeters of air space at that place that pretty much stays there, probably caused by the sheer presence of that failed writter.
Yeeeeup! That's about 90% of the movie. If this were to be made a game, these are definitely all the 10 levels for the campaign mode. And for those pro-gamers, they'll probably die at different places 6 times PER level before they complete the game. GG.
Now for the remaining 10%:
The made-me-cringe-to-the-size-of-a-neutrino-part:
Young disciple asks the Great Master some stuff and starts rambling away. The Great Master slowly pours tea into the young disciple's cup...pours somemore...until it overflows...
"Master...it's full...master! o.O" cried the young disciple.
Slowly, the Great Master ceased his crap and said, "You, young man, like this cup is too filled with things that you could not accept any ideas and knowledge from the external."
I'm pretty sure this isn't de javu, it's something that has happened for at least 3 times in different HMT Chi compre papers.
The China-USA paradox:
1) The writter and his family (Americans, duh), found there way to China and that young disciple as mentioned earlier led them to his elder brother who were only expecting their own family for him to lead them to safety to.
“他们是什么人？是谁叫你们把他们带来的！？”长兄说。
“哥，你知道我不可以拒绝他们的...”弟子说道。
"*awkward tone*Uhh...Hi...Chinese people...haha....=)" said the fail writter.
2) *Marvells at 4 big ships* "Omg...just look at these things! Built in just 2 years...dam...just leave these things to the chinese..."
The Stupidity of Humanity:
The imba chinese had built 4 big submarine-like ships, used to store all the animal species and a few thousand rich people who spent 10 Billion Euros for a ticket each. In other words, Noah's Arc. Now, for the third or fourth time, the genius geologist (or whatever his useless degree is) has miscalculated the final moment of doomsday. Thus, recalculating it again, realise it's as short as 30minutes. Then of course, if 2 hours of movie is not enough, shit must happen, therefore one of the Arcs are somehow damaged beyond use. So the sad (rich) souls who had paid for their tickets, could not board the Arc.
AND~~~The genius steps in, and talks about how so many people died in vain and if they don't open the gates of the remaining 3 Arcs to accept the sad/rich souls in, they would die in vain as well.
With only 10 minutes on the count-down timer (note the count-down is, again, calculated by the genius, so take note of the incredibility of your sources), they've finally decided to open the gates and voila! Humanity is thus saved!
Yea right, everyone else ALREADY DIED IN VAIN, WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE 10 BILLION EUROS!? Just FYI, your stupid Arc would have crashed, killing everyone, if not for the Death-mocker who went back to the water-filled place to solve the problem.
Note: If you don't believe me, go watch it. It's like The Adventure of Tom Sawyer (Substitute Tom with failed writter) plus whole bunch of cool CGIs (eh no, the CGIs are thankfully really good, no sarcasm here), and of course the good old stupidity of script writters + hilarious racism + cliches that makes you cringe like never before.In conclusion, the movie leaves me with no afterthoughts whatsoever other than fatigue brought about by 2h30m of...TERBABOOM!!!, Tom Sawyer and genius geologist. But frankly, the length of the movie and the nice CGI was already worth the money. No regrets =)
Oh and by the way, what did the Mayans say anyway? The whole movie was based on nothingness since the "Great Prophecies" made by the Mayans did not even say anything about what happens when their retarded lasts-for-5000-years-calender runs out. Why didn't they make a prophecy on when their race dies? That way, their calender should be much shorter than 5000 years =)
Aditya says:
*and you know what else would have happened?
*when they all arrive in china
*the ships would have been readied for take off
*filled with china people
*showing middle fingers to the stupid angmohs.
-= Jack Zhang Zhe Yang =- says:
*LOL
Aditya says:
*no one in the right of mind who has access to these things would share.
*selfish mankind.
-= Jack Zhang Zhe Yang =- says:
*hahaha
Aditya says:
*that would have been a nice ending
*they arrive there in the himalayas
*all the doors are closed
*all the rich people are waiting outside
*inside the ships, all chinese people
*laughing at them
*fade out
*end credits.
*close up john cusack's stupid face
*last words
*"damn chinese"
*then the water rushes in
*epic.
*i would have paid money to see that kind of ending
*hahahah
*the epilogue would be in the future
*everyone's chinese
*and they're telling tales of how the great flood came
*to their little kids
*the moment the discovery happened
*all the countries would go to war.
*over resources.
*US would not have shared the secret.
*with the rest of the world.
*they would have started buying over resources
*borrowing money from other countries
*(with no intention to repay)
死，对于自己来说是种解脱
对于身边的人来说是一种折磨
往往后者大于前者
所以大多数人得以幸免。
是好事还是坏事？
我不知道。
时间停留在
11:25 PM
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